Osho Jokes, Osho Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

Osho Little Ernie Jokes

2010-06-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

Osho Little Ernie Jokes

Osho - The third-grade teacher calls on Little Ernie and says, "Can you use the word `beautiful' twice in the same sentence?"

"Oh, sure," replies Ernie. "Um... Yesterday, my sister came home, told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, fucking beautiful!"

Osho - Miss Goodbody's class goes for a picnic in the woods. After all the kids have drunk lots of lemonade, several of the girls retire to the bushes to pee and there is trouble with the brambles and the nettles. Little Ernie walks in amongst them, pulls out his pecker and pees without any trouble.

"Wow!" says little Sally, really impressed, "that's a handy thing to bring on a picnic!"

Osho - Outside the classroom it is snowing hard. "Boys and girls," says Mrs. Goodbody, "you must be very careful not to catch colds in this weather. I had a dear little brother, only seven years old. One day, he went out in the snow with his new skis. He caught a cold, pneumonia set in, and three days later he was dead."
A hush falls over the classroom and then little Ernie jumps up to his feet and asks, "Can I have his skis?"

Osho - Little Ernie comes home early from school.

"What are you doing home?" asks his mother.

"I put a stick of dynamite under the teacher's desk," replies little Ernie.
"You march right back to school" says his mother, "and apologize!"

"Mom," says Ernie, "What school?"

Osho - Little Ernie is taken to the dentist's office for a checkup.
"It is okay, Doc," says Ernie. "You can take off the mask, I have already recognized you."

Osho - Mulla Nasruddin walked into office of a cemetery

2009-06-12T23:10:00.002-07:00

Osho - It happened: Mulla Nasruddin walked into the office of a cemetery and complained to the manager: "I know well that my wife is buried here in your cemetery but I can't find her grave." The manager checked in his register and asked, "What is her name?"
So Mulla said, "Mistress Mulla Nasruddin."

He looked again and he said, "There is no Mistress Mulla Nasruddin, but there is a Mulla Nasruddin." So he said, "We are sorry, it seems something has gone wrong in the register." Nasruddin said, "Nothing is wrong. Where is the grave of Mulla Nasruddin? -- because everything is in my name." Even the grave of his wife!

Possession... everybody goes on trying to possess: the beloved, the lover. This is no longer love. In fact when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy, you kill; you are a murderer. Love should give freedom; love IS freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free, love will give wings, and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. But that love you don't know because that happens only when you are aware; that quality of love comes only when there is awareness. You know a love which is a sin, because it comes out of sleep.

Source - Osho Book "The Hidden Harmony"

Osho jokes - Mulla Nasruddin has applied for a job

2009-05-19T23:42:00.001-07:00

Osho - Mulla Nasruddin has applied for a job. The manager looked at him and did not feel that he's even qualified to apply for it. He asked him, "Can you read and write?"
Mulla Nasruddin said, "I cannot read, but I can write."
The manager was surprised; this is a rare situation -- he could have never conceived of a man who cannot read but can write. He said, "Then write!" He gave him a paper and Mulla immediately started writing on it. He went fast -- one page, two pages, three pages.
The manager said, "Now you stop! You please read what you have written, because I cannot read."
Nasruddin said, "That I have told you before -- I can only write! I can't read."

Osho - A beautiful woman visits a psychoanalyst

2009-05-19T23:39:00.001-07:00

Osho - A beautiful woman visits a psychoanalyst. "Take off your clothes," says the psychoanalyst as soon as she enters.
"But really I was...."
"I am telling you to take off your clothes," insists the shrink without giving her time to answer.
"But, doctor, I came because I have a problem and I thought...."
"Don't think. Take off your clothes and don't waste my time," insists the shrink even more rudely.
The astonished and embarrassed woman takes off her clothes and immediately the shrink jumps on her.
After half an hour, the shrink, zipping up his trousers, looks at the woman who still does not understand what is happening and more calmly says, "Well, now that I have solved my problem, let us see if I can solve yours."

Once Mulla Nasruddin came back to his home very, very late at night

2009-04-30T03:32:00.001-07:00

Osho - I have heard: Once Mulla Nasruddin came back to his home very, very late at night. He knocked, the wife asked, "Nasruddin, what is the time?"Nasruddin said matter-of-factly, "It is very early, only elevenfifteen."The wife said, "Don't you lie to me. I just looked at the alarm clock. It is not eleven-fifteen, it is three-fifteen. The whole night is past."Nasruddin said, "One minute. You believe in a rotten twenty-rupee alarm clock, rather than believing in your beloved husband? What type of marriage is this? What type of woman are you?"

Osho Jokes - Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor

2009-04-30T03:31:00.003-07:00

Osho - Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and said, "Do something! It is getting on my nerves. My wife talks too much in the night."

So the doctor said, "Where is your wife? Bring her, I will do something."Mulla Nasruddin said, "You don't understand me. Nothing is to be done to her. Do something to me so I can remain awake, it is so interesting. I fall asleep... and she is talking, and it is so interesting. She says such beautiful things and reveals such beautiful things; she never talks that way when she is awake. When she is awake she is talking rubbish. So give me something so I can remain alert and listen."

Osho - Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor

2009-04-30T03:28:00.001-07:00

Osho - Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and doctors have learned the trick from the priests: they write in Latin and Greek, and they write in such a way that even if they have to read it again it is difficult. Nobody should understand what they are writing. So Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and he said, "Listen, be plain. Just tell me the facts. Don't use Latin and Greek."The doctor said, "If you insist, and if you allow me to be frank, you are not ill at all. You are just plain lazy."Nasruddin said, "Okay, thank you. Now write it in Greek and Latin so I can show it to my family."

"I'm not drunk at all!" insists Paddy

2009-04-18T09:01:00.002-07:00

Osho - "You are drunk!" shouts the barman of the Groggy Doggie Pub, at Paddy, who just has slipped slowly onto the floor again.

"I'm not drunk at all!" insists Paddy, picking himself up. "In fact, I'm not even drunk a little bit, and I'll prove it to you. Now, you see that cat just coming in the door? Well, it has only got one eye.""You're drunker than I thought," says the barman. "That cat is going out!"

Paddy and Kowalski are in town for a drinking spree

2009-04-18T08:58:00.001-07:00

Osho - Paddy and Kowalski are in town for a drinking spree. After a lot of drinking, they decide to go to the hundred-story-high, revolving, Roasting Rhinoceros Restaurant for some dinner.They choose a table overlooking the city lights, but have only been sitting there for a few minutes when both of them feel the need to pee."

Can you tell us where the bathroom is?" Paddy slobbers at the head waiter."
Certainly, sir," replies the waiter, pointing across the restaurant. "Just go down the passage over there, turn left and go two steps down."

The directions are repeated again for Kowalski, who is not quite sure he knows where he is, or what he is looking for."Just remember," says the head waiter, "turn left and two steps down..."

So, Paddy and Kowalski set off across the room and down the passage. They take the first door on the left and step inside, into the open elevator shaft.One hundred stories below, Paddy slowly picks himself up off the ground."How do you feel?" Paddy asks his Polack friend, lying beside him."Not too bad," replies Kowalski. "But I don't think I can manage that second step."

Osho Jokes- Jews are awful people. They killed our Lord Jesus Christ

2009-04-18T08:55:00.001-07:00

A group of young men -- all Irish Catholics -- go into a pub. They don't greet Abbie, one of the men already standing at the bar. Paddy, one of the young Irish fellows, asks his friends why they don't greet Abbie. "Oh, he is a Jew," they say, "and Jews are awful people. They killed our Lord Jesus Christ."

Paddy is very upset to hear this and goes over to Abbie and starts beating him up."Stop, stop!" shouts Abbie. "What are you doing this for?""I'm doing it because Jews tortured Jesus and killed him.""Yes, I know," says Abbie, "but it is nothing to do with me. That happened two thousand years ago."Paddy gives him another blow and says, "I don't care. I only heard it ten minutes ago!"

Osho - One old Jew was praying to God

2009-04-13T03:10:00.001-07:00

Osho - One old Jew was praying to God for years and never asking for anything. God became fed up. If you ask for something, something can be done and he can get rid of you! But he was not asking for anything; he was just praying and praying and praying.

So one day God said, ”Listen! What do you want? Why don’t you say exactly what you want? I am ready to fulfil it.”

The old Jew said, ”Is it true that we are your chosen people?”
God said, ”Yes, that’s true.”
The Jew said, ”Now please choose somebody else. For three thousand years, just

A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia

2009-04-09T23:18:00.001-07:00

A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia by the French Foreign Legion. After a few days he became restless and asked his officer what form of entertainment took place in the camp -- where were all the women and bars and so forth.
The officer replied, "Just be patient and wait until the camels arrive."
So the young sergeant waited patiently for several days more and inquired again and the officer replied, "For heaven's sake, just wait until the camels arrive."
The next night there was an almighty rush, all the soldiers came running out of their tents yelling and screaming.
The young sergeant grabbed the officer and asked, "What is going on?"
"The camels are coming!" replied the officer.
"But why the great rush?"
"Well, you don't want to get an ugly one, do you?"
If you are starving in a desert, even camels will start looking beautiful; otherwise you can't see any difference between one camel and another. But the more your desires are starved, the more blind you become.

So remember, Buddha is not saying to starve your desires. He has been misunderstood by people, by his own followers as much as by his enemies. That is the fate of the buddhas: to be misunderstood by the friends and the enemies both. When he is saying that desire makes you blind, he is not saying to repress desire, because a repressed desire is far more dangerous. He is saying, "Understand desire, meditate over the whole phenomenon of it, and through understanding go beyond it, not through repression. Through meditation, transcend desire. Seeing that desire is misery, seeing that desire is bondage, seeing that desire drags you downwards into hell, one simply is released without any repression." And to be released from desire is to be a buddha, is to be a christ.

Osho - You cannot be satisfied by anything, because the mind is always asking for more

2009-04-05T01:38:00.002-07:00

"Something the matter?" asked the bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring sullenly into his drink.
"Two months ago my grandfather died and left me eighty-five thousand dollars," said the man.
"That does not sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender, polishing a glass. "It should happen to me!"
"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my mother's side passed away. He left me hundred and fifty thousand dollars."
"So why are you sitting there looking so unhappy?" asked the bartender.
"So far this month, not a cent!"

You cannot be satisfied by anything, because the mind is always asking for more. And the desire for more creates sorrow, makes you a slave. And the desire for more does not allow you to live according to the universal law. You start fighting for more. Whether it is something outward or inward does not matter; if you are fighting for something more you are going against the law of nature. Trust nature, be relaxed with it. It takes care. It is always providing you with whatsoever is really needed, and if it does not provide you, that means it is not really needed.

Osho Joke - Mulla Nasruddin weight losing program

2009-03-20T00:18:00.001-07:00

Osho - When Mulla Nasruddin reached California, he was directed by our sannyasins there to this ultimate weight-losing program. It took four days and was guaranteed to take off fifty pounds or your money would be refunded.

He entered the building and was told to enter the first door to his left and to undress there. He did so and then from a second door in the room entered a beautiful blonde woman, naked but for a sign around her neck. It read, "If you catch me, you can make love to me!"
Nasruddin felt the passion rise within him. The room was fairly small, but the lady was agile, and it took him twenty minutes to catch her. After his love-making, Nasruddin showered and left, eagerly awaiting the next day.

On the second day, he was directed to another room, a bit larger than the first. There a beautiful redhead, naked except for the sign, greeted him. The chase lasted for almost forty minutes.
On the third day, it was another, larger room, and a beautiful brunette! After almost an hour, he caught her too. Throughout the three days, Nasruddin had kept an account of his weight loss -- twenty-eight pounds to date.

On the fourth day, he envisioned perhaps a bevy of beauties. He was directed to the top floor. He climbed the stairs, removed his clothes and waited. There was a click behind him as the door was locked, and out of his left eye he caught sight of a huge gorilla coming his way with a sign around its neck which read, "If I catch you I'm going to make love to you!"

Osho Joke of a palm reader

2009-03-11T04:39:00.002-07:00

Osho - A woman goes to a palm reader.
"Your husband will die a violent death," she is told.
"One more question," she asks. "Will I be acquitted?"

Osho Joke - When Big Sam loves, Big Sam buys

2009-03-11T02:27:00.001-07:00

Osho - When the daughter of an aristocratic French family announces her engagement to a black man, Big Sam, her parents decide they must try to stop the marriage.
They call Big Sam in and tell him that their daughter is used to every luxury and has to have the finest, largest house in Paris to live in. The black man draws himself up and announces, "When Big Sam loves, Big Sam buys," and off he goes.
Sure enough, he buys the biggest and best house in Paris.
So the parents call him in again and tell him that their daughter longs for the largest, brightest diamond in all of France.
"When Big Sam loves, Big Sam gets," says the groom-to-be, and off he goes, returning with the biggest, brightest diamond the parents have ever seen.
In the last-ditch attempt to stop the marriage, the girl's father goes to see him privately, and tells him that to make their daughter happy he absolutely must have a prick that is twelve inches long.
The black man answers firmly, "When Big Sam loves, Big Sam cuts."

Osho Joke on love life drama

2009-03-10T23:32:00.001-07:00

Osho - A psychiatrist was going around a mental hospital. He saw one man beating himself, pulling his hair, looking very suicidal. He was kept in a cell -- he was dangerous. He asked the superintendent, "What happened to this man?"

The superintendent said, "He loved a woman, he loved her very much, but he could not get her. She married somebody else. Since then he has been in this state. He wants to commit suicide, he does not want to live. He says there is no meaning in life: 'My meaning was in that woman. If I could not get that woman, that means my life is finished!'"

Feeling sorry for the man -- he was young and beautiful -- they moved ahead. They saw another cell and another man was inside it, and he was even more ferocious, very murderous.
The psychiatrist asked, "What has happened to this man?"

The superintendent said, "This is the man who married that same woman! Since he has married her he wants to kill her, and if he cannot kill her then he wants to kill anybody instead, but he wants to kill and destroy. He wants to kill the whole world! That woman drove him mad."

Osho Jokes

2009-03-10T23:00:00.002-07:00

Pat went to see the doctor about his eyes. The doctor suggested he bathe them every morning in brandy.
The next time Pat came to see the doctor, the doctor asked him how his eyes were.
"Did you follow my advice?" he asked.
"I tried to -- but I can't raise the glass higher than my mouth!"

Osho Joke on Happiness

2009-02-10T06:10:00.002-08:00

Osho Jokes

LET ME tell you first one small anecdote: "My doctor insisted that I came to see you." the patient told the psychiatrist. "Goodness knows why -- I am happily married, secure in my job, lots of friends, no worries..."
"Hmmm." said the psychiatrist, reaching for his notebook, "and how long have you been like this?"

what type of love life do lions have

2009-02-09T02:56:00.001-08:00

Osho - A small child is reading a pictorial book on wild life, and he becomes very intrigued with the pictures of ferocious lions. He reads whatsoever is there, but one question is not answered there so he asks his mother.

He asks his mother: "Mom, what type of love-life do lions have?"
The mother said, "Son, I don't know much about Lions because all your father's friends are Rotarians."

Mulla Nasrudin Wife singing

2009-02-06T00:15:00.001-08:00

A guest at a concert turned to Mulla Nasrudin sitting next to him and criticised the voice of the
woman who was singing.
”What a terrible voice,” he said. ”Do you know who she is?”
”Yes,” said the Mulla. ”She’s my wife.”
”Oh,” said the embarrassed guest, ”I beg your pardon. Of course, it is not her voice that is bad, it is
that awful song she has to sing. I wonder who wrote it.”
”I DID,” said Nasrudin.

A drunk cowhand rushed into a bar waving and firing his guns at random and shouting, ”All you dirty,lousy skunks get outta here.”
Within a minute everybody had scattered and disappeared except Mulla Nasrudin, who sat at the bar finishing his drink.
”Well,” barked the cowhand, waving his smoking gun. ”What about it?”
”My,” said the Mulla, ”THERE WERE CERTAINLY A LOT OF THEM, WEREN’T THEY?”

Osho - Some times Laughter is a way of avoiding a thing.

2009-02-04T23:30:00.001-08:00

Osho - Sometimes you simply laugh to forget a thing, to hide a thing. Many times I have observed that you laugh just to hide your tears. You laugh, because if you don’t laugh, it will be too much, too heavy. Laughter is a way of avoiding a thing.

Osho Joke on Philosophers and theologians

2009-02-04T23:13:00.001-08:00

Osho - A PHILOSOPHER walked into a bakery and ordered a delicious fruitcake to be made with extravagant decorations.

”I want a birthday cake,” he said, ”with ’Happy Birthday’ written across the top. When could it be ready?”

”I can give it to you in twenty minutes, sir,” answered the attendant.

When the philosopher returned twenty minutes later, the cake was ready. He looked long and carefully at it, took a step back to examine it more closely, then said, ”Look, I really wanted it to be more decorative. Lots of color and icing-sugar swirls. And see here, instead of ’Happy Birthday’ write ’One Thousand Happinesses!’”

”okay,” said the confectioner, a little disappointed. ”Come again in another half an hour and I’ll have it ready.”

Half an hour later the philosopher returned. The cake was ready and he examined it very closely. He stopped and thought for a while, then said, ”Will you do this for me? Put even more flowers and swirls around the cake, and perhaps you could compose a longer message for the top – something like ’Congratulations! Lots of Love.’ Would you do all that?”

The confectioner agreed and made all the modifications. A little time later the philosopher returned, scrutinized the cake and exclaimed, ”Oh! Oh, yes! Now it is beautiful!”

”Can I wrap it for you, sir?” asked the confectioner, relieved.
”Oh no, thank you, that’s not needed. I’ll eat it here.”

The philosophers, the theologians, the logicians are the most stupid people in the world! And it is unfortunate, very unfortunate, that a man like Dionysius has to speak in the words of Christian philosophy, theology and logic. A Zen Master would have said the same thing in a very different way, very clearly, without using so many unnecessary words and without using the name of God at all.

Girl Salary with Pleasure

2009-01-25T10:30:00.001-08:00

Osho - A girl taking a job in an office is asked by her intended employer how much she hopes to earn. ”Twenty dollars a week,” she answers.
”Twenty dollars?” he says. ”I’ll give you that with pleasure.”
”With pleasure, that will be thirty dollars,” she replies.

Osho, Be a Sport and Tell us that Juicy Joke

2009-01-24T03:57:00.001-08:00

Question - Come On, Osho, Be a Sport and Tell us that Juicy Joke!

Osho - Okay, Maneesha!
ONE day, while studying the alphabet, the teacher looked at her second grade class and said, ”Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter A?”
All the children raised their hands, but teacher wouldn’t call on Johnny Badmouth because she knew he’d say ’asshole’ or some other bad word. Instead she called on Billy.
”Apple.”

”Very good,” replied teacher, ”and who can tell me a word that starts with the letter B?”
Many children raised their hands, but she refused to call on Johnny Badmouth because she knew
he’d say ’bastard’ or some other dirty word. She called on Mary.
”Boat.”

”Very good.”
And so on through the entire alphabet, each time ignoring Johnny Badmouth. ”And who can tell me a word that starts with the letter R?” The children raised their hands. The teacher racked her brains, but couldn’t think of a single dirty word that started with the letter R, and decided to call on Johnny.
”Rats,” said Johnny, and raised his hands to demonstrate. ”BIG FUCKING RATS!”

Osho Polack Joke of Making love One Last time

2009-01-20T01:55:00.002-08:00

The Polack woman was dying. With her last breath she turned to her husband and asked,
"Before I die, make love to me just one more time."

The Polack husband answered, "How could you ask me to do such a thing? It will kill you!"

The wife pleaded, "Everyone is entitled to one last request before they die, you should grant me this last wish."

The Polack replied, "Okay." He got into bed and made love to her. No sooner did he finish
than she hopped out of bed completely cured and ran downstairs and started to flick a chicken and yell into the living room, where her children were sitting, that dinner would be ready in an hour.

The children were astounded and ran up the stairs to their father who was sitting in a chair
and crying. They said, "Papa, why are you crying? It's a miracle! Mama is completely cured!"
He replied, "I know, but when I think what I could have done for Eleanor Roosevelt!"

Osho Polack Jokes

2009-01-20T01:52:00.001-08:00

Osho Polack Jokes

A Polack discovered that he had three balls. He was so anxious to tell it to someone that he stopped the first man he met on the road and told him, "Do you want to bet that together we have five balls?"
He lost his bet... the other guy had only one ball!

The old Polack general lived with his young wife in a lonely villa. They kept two guards in front of the house to protect them against intruders. One night the guards saw that the lights in the general's bedroom were on for a very long time. Suspicious, they snuck up to the window and peeped in. The general's wife was lying on the bed naked, looking quite bored. The Polack general, also naked, was anxiously walking around the room with a pistol in his hand. Suddenly he stopped, looked down at his groin and shouted, "Stand up like a man or I'll shoot!"

Funny Jokes - confusions of a love marriage

2008-12-30T00:15:00.001-08:00

Funny Joke - confusions of a love marriage

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American," You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.... Give me a break!!"

Osho Joke on Christian missionaries in Vatican

2008-12-29T09:06:00.001-08:00

Osho Joke on Christian missionaries in Vatican

Osho : I have heard this story:
At the Vatican in Rome a gathering of missionaries from all over the world met to discuss their experiences in the Third World countries.

The priests working in India and in Africa were talking together.
”Well, Father, how are things going in India?” asked the African priest.
”Very well, thank you, Father,” he replied. ”We have been working on ways to ease the food shortage and have found a new way to reduce the population.”

”How?” inquired the African priest. ”Are you using new methods of birth control?”
”No, no. After much experimentation we have seen that that doesn’t work. So we have invented a very simple and effective technique: the ’Crunch Scrunch Method.’”

”What is that?” asked the priest, intrigued.
”In the big centers like Bombay and Calcutta, our organization has begun to construct new hygienic male toilets – but with a unique design. When a patron squats down to shit, his balls hang down through two separate holes and we have one of our workers standing underneath with a brick in each hand – crunch! scrunch! – we smash their balls together!”

”Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed the other priest with a gasp. ”That must hurt!”
”Oh no, not really,” said the Indian priest, ”not if you keep your thumbs out of the way!”

Osho Polack Joke

2008-12-29T09:05:00.002-08:00

Osho Polack Joke

Bhavita has asked me: Osho, why do Polacks open the bedroom door while they are making love?
Osho : Bhavita, so that nobody can peep through the keyhole. This is intelligence!

Bhavita has also asked: Osho, do you know what the Polack answered who was walking home from a fair with a pig under his arm, and a guy who knew him came up to him and asked, ”Where did you get him?”
Osho : Bhavita, before the Polack could answer, the pig replied, ”I won him at the fair!”

Bhavita asks: Osho, did you hear about the Polack who tried to take his new car for its first service?
Osho : Yes, Bhavita, it wouldn’t fit through the church doors.

And Bhavita asks: Why is Polack toilet paper five hundred sheets longer than usual?
Osho : Bhavita, because the first five hundred sheets are instructions.

Osho Joke on knowledgeable man

2008-12-28T06:41:00.001-08:00

Osho : The knowledgeable man is just like a donkey carrying the load of the past – of the scriptures, of theories, philosophies and theologies. He cannot answer a single real question, although he can answer millions of unreal questions.

A Hebrew driving a small cart drawn by a donkey came to a toll bridge. The toll collector came out of his house and said, ”Here, you’ve got to pay toll before you can cross this bridge.”

”Vat! To pay toll?”
”Yes, five cents to cross the bridge.”

After an argument the Hebrew paid the five cents and went on. In the afternoon he came back
again, but this time he had the donkey sitting on the seat and he was dragging the cart himself.
The toll man came out and said, ”Here, you know you’ve got to pay five cents.”

The Hebrew shook his head, and pointing to the donkey, said, ”Don’t talk vit me – esk de driver.”
The pundit, the scholar, the academician, is just like a donkey sitting in a cart pretending to be the driver. He is not a driver. He knows nothing. Although he has gathered much knowledge, still he knows nothing.

Knowing is a totally different phenomenon than knowledge.

Osho on psychology of Jokes, origin of Jokes

2008-12-27T02:39:00.001-08:00

Osho on psychology of Jokes, origin of Jokes

Osho : Jews have certainly proved their mettle. In all their agony they have maintained their laughter, they have not lost it. But it is a strange psychology that the people who are in suffering will always love laughter. That gives at least some time to forget the misery. People who have lived peacefully, with no suffering, don’t know what laughter is.

I have been thinking many times that I should speak on the psychology of jokes. It has so many implications, why a certain joke is a joke and why it arose; who were the people, who must have been the people who managed that joke?

In what background has the joke flowered, and was it refined? – because it is centuries of work. A single joke can be traced back for centuries, and you will find little differences happening and finally it comes to perfection. It is a work of art. But it needs a certain climate and a certain understanding and a certain openness, a certain unrepressed joyfulness; otherwise it can backfire.

This is a beautiful joke – but Nirvano is not a Jew. She thought it better to make it Christian because she knows the Christian names better and she knows the festival of Lent. In a Jewish context it would have been even better, because they are the most unrepressed people in the world. It is not a coincidence that Sigmund Freud – a Jew – started a new science: psychoanalysis. The whole science is against repression.

Every joke has a long history and background. It will be good sometime to give the whole series to Sardar Gurudayal Singh, and find the roots of these jokes – their psychology, the people, because there are many people. For example, Jews tell jokes about themselves; they are intelligent people.

Other people tell jokes about the Polacks, who are very unintelligent people. They cannot make a joke themselves, that is impossible. But they are good in a way; they allow the whole world to make jokes about them. Nice guys!

Osho Story where Osho is joking with a millionaire

2008-12-27T00:05:00.002-08:00

Question : BELOVED OSHO, YOU SAID THE OTHER DAY THAT IF YOU WERE A CAB-DRIVER NOBODY WOULD BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE YOU. I DON'T AGREE. AT LEAST I FOR ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE YOU.

Osho : Madam, I don't believe you.
You don't know enough about yourself. I appreciate your love for me, but I cannot say that you would be able to recognize me.

I will tell you one real story.
I used to stay with a family in a certain city in India for many years -- a very rich family, millionaires. He was very respectful to me, he was a follower. When I used to go to his town
he would touch my feet as many times as possible -- at least four, five times every day.
Then after seven, eight years, he wanted to come to visit the place where I used to stay in Jabalpur. He came. Just to puzzle him, just to confuse him, I went to receive him at the station. That he had not expected -- that I would come to receive him at the station.

He used to fall at my feet. That day he touched my feet, but halfheartedly -- because a great ego arose in him: that I have come to receive him. He used to come to receive me for seven years and each year at least three or four times I used to visit his town. He had not expected this. He had expected that somebody would be there to take him to me.

But that I myself would come to receive him? -- that was not even in his dreams. He must have argued inside: "I am somebody, a millionaire..." That day he bowed down, but very halfheartedly. How can you bow down to somebody who has come to receive you at the station, with great respect?

We left the station, and when he saw that I was going to drive him back home, then all his respect disappeared. Then he started talking like a friend. The millionaire became very 'famillionaire'! And after three days, when he left -- I had gone to say goodbye, to give him a send-off -- he did not touch my feet.

And the family that I used to live with all knew that I was playing a joke on him, and the poor fellow had got hooked in it. They all laughed when the train left. I said "You wait. Next time, let him come -- he will expect me to touch his feet. And it will be no wonder if he forces me to touch his feet."

That's how things go, that's how mind functions. You recognize me, you love me, but you don't know your own mind. And in that experiment I lost one of my millionaire followers. I have been losing many followers that way, but I go on experimenting.

Osho on Indian Jokes, India has no Jokes of its own

2008-12-08T07:26:00.001-08:00

Osho : India has no jokes of its own. All the jokes are imported – fortunately there is no taxation on importing jokes! You can just change the names to Indian names, but it will not be right; it will not sound right.

Even a joke has a certain context, a certain reference. It is not just a joke. You cannot implant it anywhere you like, it has a climate of its own. For example, a Jewish joke cannot be transplanted to another race because that joke has a history of its own.

Nobody writes jokes, you know. There are no joke writers. From where do jokes come? From the wisdom of the folk, hundreds of years... they pass through many hands, many situations and then they come to a refinement.

Nobody can claim that he is the writer. And never try to change the names, because they will look absolutely out of context. If you cannot find out to whom the joke should belong, just put some Jewish names in it. They are the only people rich enough, and it is for a particular reason that they can absorb any joke.

They have suffered so much since Moses brought them out of Egypt in search of Israel. Their whole life for these four thousand years has been that of suffering and suffering and suffering.

Relationship Jokes, funny relationship jokes

2008-11-29T05:24:00.001-08:00

Relationship Jokes, funny relationship jokes

ames' Beard

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

----------

Cold HandTwo young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.

When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!" She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."

He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *nose* ever get cold?"

------------

WendyA guy was getting really involved with his girlfriend, so he went to a tattoo parlor and got her name tattooed on his penis.When his penis was at erect it said "Wendy", and when it was limp it says "Wy".

Well, one day he and "Wendy" went to this nude beach. They were walking along, and he saw a guy's penis that said "Wy".

He approached him and asked him if his girlfriend's name was "Wendy". He said "No, mine says 'Welcome to the beach and have a nice day.'"

Osho Mulla Nasruddin Jokes, Sufi mystic Mulla nasruddin

2008-11-29T05:14:00.001-08:00

Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

Mulla Nasrudin met a man on a London street. They had known each other slightly in America.
”How are things with you?” asked the Mulla.
”Pretty fair,” said the other. ”I have been doing quite well in this country.”
”How about lending me 100, then?”saidNasrudin.
”Why I hardly know you, and you are asking me to lend you 100!”
”I can’t understand it,” said Nasrudin. ”IN THE OLD COUNTRY PEOPLE WOULD NOT LEND ME MONEY BECAUSE THEY KNEW ME, AND HERE I CAN’T GET A LOAN BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW ME.”
”I have found the road to success no easy matter,” said Mulla Nasrudin. ”I started at the bottom. I worked twelve hours a day. I sweated. I fought. I took abuse. I did things I did not approve of. But I kept right on climbing the ladder.”
”And now, of course, you are a success, Mulla?” prompted the interviewer.
”No, I would not say that,” replied Nasrudin with a laugh. ”JUST QUOTE ME AS SAYING THAT I HAVE BECOME AN EXPERT AT CLIMBING LADDERS.”
Mulla Nasrudin’s wife seeking a divorce charged that her husband ”thinks only of horse racing. He talks horse racing: he sleeps horse racing and the racetrack is the only place he goes. It is horses, horses, horses all day long and most of the night. He does not even know the date of our wedding.
”That’s not true, Your Honour,” cried Nasrudin. ”WE WERE MARRIED THE DAY DARK STAR WON THE KENTUCKY DERBY.”
There was a play in which an important courtroom scene included Mulla Nasrudin as a hurriedly recruited judge. All that he had to do was sit quietly until asked for his verdict and give it as instructed by the play’s director.
But Mulla Nasrudin was by no means apathetic, he became utterly absorbed in the drama being played before him. So absorbed, in fact, that instead of following instructions and saying ”Guilty,” the Mulla arose and firmly said, ”NOT GUILTY.”
Mulla Nasrudin was telling a friend that he was starting a business in partnership with another fellow.
”How much capital are you putting in it, Mulla?” the friend asked.
”None. The other man is putting up the capital, and I am putting in the experience,” said the Mulla.
”So, it’s a fifty-fifty agreement.”
”Yes, that’s the way we are starting out,” said Nasrudin, ”BUT I FIGURE IN ABOUT FIVE YEARS I WILL HAVE THE CAPITAL AND HE WILL HAVE THE EXPERIENCE.”

Osho - Why so many Jokes on Jews

2008-10-18T05:14:00.001-07:00

Question - Beloved Master, why do you tell so many Jokes about the Jews?

Osho : Sanatano, Jews have a sense of humor as nobody else has. For example, Hindus have no jokes, not a single joke which can be called Hindu. All the jokes that Indians tell to each other come from the West. India has lost the sense of humor; it has become too serious. Jews could not become too serious for the simple reason that for centuries their lives have been of great suffering. It is humor that helped them to survive.

They had to create a great sense of humor. India has lived in a lukewarm way. It has not suffered much, nobody has tortured it much, nobody was bent upon destroying it. It never needed a sense of humor to save itself from seriousness; on the contrary, because life has been simple, without much suffering and pain, people have become serious.

Jews have the best jokes in the world. You will be surprised, but this is my observation: it is their sense of humor that has saved them; otherwise they would have been destroyed long ago. They had to create a great sense of humor; even in the concentration camps of Adolf Hitler they were joking. That was their way of remaining alive.And I love jokes, hence I love Jews too.

Two Jews met each other for the first time. "Where are you from?" asked one.
"Miami Beach, Florida," answered the other. "Where are you from?"
"Lincoln, Nebraska," answered the first.
"What's the population of Miami Beach?"
"Oh, about a hundred thousand people."
"And how many Jews are there?"
"About ninety thousand."
"And what do they do for a living?"
"Oh, they are doctors, lawyers, judges, accountants, retired wealthy men, bankers, etcetera." "And tell me about the other ten thousand people? What do they do?"
"They are policemen, carpenters, laborers, etcetera.
So now you tell me about Lincoln, Nebraska. What's the population there?"
"About three hundred thousand people."
"And how many of them are our people?"
"I guess there are about five thousand Jews."
"Wow!" said the other, "How come you need so many servants?"

Jews are intelligent people, they snatch away more Nobel Prizes than anybody else. That intelligence is also there because they have suffered long, and they always have to find new ways to survive. Intelligence arises when it is challenged; intelligence arises, becomes sharpened, when it is used. If it is not used it gathers dust. When it is not used, when there is no need to use it, it dies.

It is as if you don't use your legs for years -- you will lose them, you will not be able to walk again. It is as if you keep your eyes closed for three years, you will lose your eyesight. Thieves have better eyesight than anybody else; naturally, because they have to look in the dark into other people's houses.

Maybe they have entered into the house for the first time: they don't know where the door is and where the wall is and how the furniture is arranged -- still they have to walk silently. They start getting better eyesight than anybody. You will not find a thief with glasses; at least I have not found one yet. So whenever you see a person without glasses, beware! Who knows? Keep watch.

A man with eyeglasses, you need not worry about him. He cannot even find his own things; how can he find your things? -- impossible. He cannot find things in his own house. Jews have really lived a long long, arduous life because of the Christians. The whole idea is absurd, because once Jesus was crucified, the Jews did not need to be tortured for ever and ever.

And the Jews you are torturing did not crucify Jesus; those people are gone. But that's how foolish prejudices continue, and Christians particularly go on and on repeating the same thing. The sin that was committed by Adam and Eve is still heavy on them. Now if Adam and Eve committed it, they will suffer for it. Why are you worried? You have not committed it.

But they think it is in your blood; it has come to you because you are in the same chain, in the same continuity. This is absurd, utterly absurd. Buddha had a son, Mahavira had a daughter; the daughter must have given birth to a few children -- where are they? Mahavira is not carried by his descendants. Where are Zarathustra's sons or daughters?

Zarathustra is not carried by his sons and daughters. Everyone lives his own life and dies his own death. Everyone is unique. Remember, the body comes from the parents but not the soul. And it is so with Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve are not carried by blood cells. It is utterly stupid to torture Jews for something that happened two thousand years ago.

But it continues. In a way it has been a blessing in disguise: it is a curse but it has given Jews a sharpness, a brilliance, an intelligence, a sense of humor. They can laugh even when they are facing death. I have heard that in the concentration camps they survived not on food, because the food was not enough -- they survived on jokes.

Even going into the oven, into the gas chamber, they were going telling jokes to each other, laughing. A beautiful people! Christians don't joke about their bishops, popes; Hindus never joke against their mahatmas, impossible. Jews joke even about their rabbis; they joke more about rabbis than about anybody else. That shows intimacy, that shows love and respect, remember. That shows that the rabbi is not something of an outsider, he is an insider.

Osho on Gautam Buddha Sutras

2008-10-18T04:43:00.001-07:00

Osho on Gautam Buddha Sutras

Buddhist Sutra : IT IS ONLY A FAVOURED FEW THAT GET AQUAINTED WITH A BUDDHIST SUTRA.

Osho - Buddha says it is very few, a very favoured few, a fortunate few, a chosen few, a blessed few, who become aquainted with the wisdom of a Buddha. Because to be in contact with a Buddha, you have to pass through a few experiences that life is illusory, that death is certain. Unless your illusion about life is shattered completely, you will not listen to a Buddha. He is irrelevant, he does not exist for you.

Buddha exists for you only if you have become alert that this life is fleeting, slipping by; that this life is just a shadow, not a reality... a reflection in the mirror. When all your dreams about life are shattered, then you become interested in a Buddha. And when you become interested, only then is there a possibility to understand buddhist wisdom, the wisdom of an awakened man. Who is an awakened man?

One who has come to know what is dream, one who has come to know what is not dream. When you are asleep, dream looks real. In the morning when you awake, then you know that it was unreal. A Buddha is one who has awakened -- awakened out of this so-called life and has come to realize that it is a dream.

If you are also feeling the pain, the frustration, the misery of this dreamlife, this futile life, only then you start moving towards a source of light; otherwise not. Buddha says those are the few favoured ones.

Buddhist Sutra : IT IS BY RARE OPPORTUNITY THAT A PERSON IS BORN IN THE AGE OF A BUDDHA. IT IS BY RARE OPPORTUNITY...

Osho - Yes, it is so, because a Buddha is rarely there. Thousands of years pass, then a person becomes a Buddha. And even then it is not necessary that he will start teaching. He may not teach at all. He may simply disappear into the unknown. There is no necessity that he should become a master. So, Buddhas are few, and then Buddhas who become masters and help people on the way are even fewer.

IT IS BY RARE OPPORTUNITY THAT A PERSON IS BORN IN THE AGE OF A BUDDHA.

Osho - So if you can find a person who is awakened, if you can find a person who is a little different from you, if you can find a person in whose eyes you don't see the clouds of sleep and around whom you can feel the aura of awakening, then don't miss the opportunity, because it may not be for many lives that you will come across such a man again.

Osho jokes

2008-10-18T04:39:00.001-07:00

Osho jokes

A burly truck driver sauntered into a tavern in a mean mood, obviously looking for a fight. "Everybody on this side of the bar is a no-good, dirty bum!" he shouted. "Anybody want to make something of it just stand up!" Nobody stood up. "Everybody on this side of the bar is a faggot! A fairy!" No one moved, then suddenly a man stood up. "You wanna fight?" snarled the truck driver. "No," lisped the man, "it's just that I'm on the wrong side of the bar." That's how the mind goes on playing the game -- rationalizing everything.
Harold started hitchhiking and in just a few moments he was picked up by Eleanor, a luscious-looking librarian. "Would you like a cigarette?" he asked. "No, thanks," she replied. "I don't smoke!" They rode in silence for a short time and Harold said, "I know a nice bar up the road here; would you like to stop and have a drink?" "Thank you, no," said Eleanor. "I don't drink!" Ten minutes later, Harold took a wild shot and said, "Why don't we stop at the next motel and make love?" She said, "Alright!"

They stopped, made it like mad for two solid hours, and then were back driving in her car. "Say, I'm curious," said Harold. "When I asked you to have a smoke, you said no. When I offered to buy you a drink, you turned me down. Yet you went to the motel with me. How come?" "Well," said the librarian, "I always practice what I preach. I tell my Sunday school that you don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time!"
Muriel and Tina were discussing their recent experiences over cocktails. "Say," asked Muriel, "how did you make out with that eccentric millionaire you met yesterday?"
"He gave me five hundred dollars," said Tina. "That screwball wanted to make it in a coffin." "No kidding!" exclaimed Muriel. "I'll bet that shook you up?" "Yeah, but not as much as the six pall-bearers."

Osho discourse on Drugs

2008-10-17T23:51:00.001-07:00

Osho discourse on Drugs

Osho - What is the appeal? The appeal is this: alcohol and other drugs – now there are many in the market: marijuana, LSD, psilocybin... and many more will be coming – the appeal of drugs is that they give you the feeling of oneness without the effort of becoming a buddha. You fall back into nature. Through chemicals you force yourself back into unity with nature, where birds are singing and trees are flowering. You force yourself back.

This is a violence on the whole system of your being, and this is destroying the effort of nature to reach a higher harmony through you. This is against nature. For a few moments you can attain a forced oneness with nature, through drugs. But it cannot be a permanent achievement. It cannot become an integral part of your inner being. It can never become an integral part because to go back is not possible. You can only force yourself back.

It is like.... You cannot become a child again. You cannot step back. You cannot enter the womb of the mother again. There is no way back. Time doesn’t move that way. It moves forward, it never moves backward. So you cannot go backward. The only way, the only going, is to go forward; there is no other going.

So drugs are a deception. They give you a feeling which is imaginary, hallucinatory, they give you a feeling that you are back, part of nature. People come to me; they say, ”I have been on a drug trip, and it was beautiful, and so many things happened.” Nothing happened! – because after it you are again the same, even worse. It only releases dreams in you, but you become so unconscious that you take the dreams to be real.

You are not aware, so you cannot see whether this is a dream or a reality. Under drugs you can think yourself a bird singing in the trees, flying in the sky, but you remain all the time on the earth. You have not moved a single inch. And when the trip is over and you open your
eyes, you are where you were. But in the meanwhile a dream was created, a vivid dream, a very real-looking dream, not even a suspicion that this was just a hallucination of the mind.

You have done something with the cells of the mind, and they have started revolving, and they have created something – sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes hell, sometimes heaven. It depends on your mood, the physical condition of your body, the situation around, the whole milieu. So sometimes you can visit hell, and sometimes you can visit heaven through chemicals, but you are not going anywhere, you remain where you are.

But man is in such anguish that if even for moments he can escape from duality it feels like freedom. All religions have been against drugs. The reason is this: if you become an addict then the whole possibility of your higher dimension, of your higher unity, of achieving buddhahood, of becoming a christ, is lost. They are not against drugs, in fact. They are not concerned with drugs, they are concerned with your higher unity.

If you start falling backwards in your mind, and if you become attuned with the lower unity of nature, then who will evolve? Then you have frustrated the very effort of nature through you. It was going to achieve God – and you are satisfied with a drug. It is a poor substitute, very very poor – but the appeal indicates something; it indicates that man can be at home in only two ways.

Either he falls back into nature through chemicals, through sex, or through other means, or he rises above himself, and reaches a point where his whole consciousness has become conscious; nothing remains unconscious in him. The dark continent of unconsciousness is there no more. All corners of his being are lighted up. This is the meaning of becoming a buddha. A buddha means he who has no unconscious.

A buddha means he whose whole being is transformed into light, awareness. Again – the celebration, the marriage, the feast, but on a totally different plane.

Osho discourse on resurrection

2008-10-17T23:44:00.001-07:00

Osho discourse on resurrection

Osho - The search depends on the seeker. Masters can only show the way. The search depends on the seeker – what quality of being, what quality of inquiry the seeker brings to the search. Everything will depend on it, on why he is in search, what the reason is, because the reason of the search will become the cause of his growth.

If the reason is wrong, from the very beginning he has taken a wrong step, and the right end cannot follow a wrong beginning. The first step is the last step also, because the first step implies in it, has in it already, the last step as a potentiality. The seed is the tree because the seed will become the tree.

The end will come out of the growth of the seeker, and if from the very beginning a wrong reason exists to seek and search, then everything is going to be in vain. The masters can only show the way, they can only indicate. Everything else has to be done by you, by the disciple. The discipline is not going to be imposed; no master ever imposes a discipline on anybody.

He helps you to find your discipline – that is the difference between a pseudo-master and
a real master. A pseudo-master is one who has already a readymade formula, a pattern. He imposes that pattern on each and everybody, whosoever comes to him. The man who comes is irrelevant to a pseudomaster.

The man who comes is just a number, not a person, just something on which he can project, impose his discipline – which is a ready made phenomenon. He has already the blueprint in
his mind. A pseudo-master kills many people, destroys many people, because everybody has his own blueprint of growth within him. No outer discipline is needed.

A real master, a master like Bahauddin, does not impose anything on you. He simply helps you to find your discipline, he helps you to seek your way. He helps you to grow, not according to him but according to your own being – because you are the seed and the tree is going to come out of you.

The master can at the most be a loving gardener, a compassion which goes on showering on you. But it nurses you, it does not impose anything upon you. With a real master also you will die. But there will be a resurrection. With a pseudo-master you are simply destroyed with no possibility of any creation out of it.

This has to be remembered by you all. You are here with me. I am not giving you any forced
discipline. That doesn’t mean that I am against discipline. No, I am all for it. But the discipline should come out of you. Your discipline will be your discipline, nobody else’s. Your flower will be your flower, nobody else’s, and that is going to be unique.

That is the beauty – that whenever truth is attained it is always unique because everybody attains in his own way. Everybody flowers into it as an individual. You become more and more authentically individual. This is the meaning of resurrection – the false within you will die. But you carry the real. You are already pregnant with it, it has to be helped.

Osho on laughter

2008-10-17T23:41:00.001-07:00

Osho - Hotei lived a totally different life from an ordinary religious man. His whole life was nothing but a continuous laughter. It is said about Hotei that even sometimes in sleep he would start laughing. He had a big belly, and the belly would shake.

Sardar Gurdayal Singh would have enjoyed meeting him, and Hotei would have enjoyed Sardar Gurdayal Singh. People would ask him, "Why are you laughing? and even in sleep!" Laughter was so natural to him that any and everything would help him to laugh. Then the w hole life, awake or asleep, is a comedy.

You have turned life into a tragedy. You have made a tragic mess of your life. Even when you laugh, you don't laugh. Even when you pretend to laugh, the laughter is just forced, manipulated, managed. It is not coming from the heart, not at all from the belly.

It is not something coming from your center; it is just something painted on the periphery. You laugh for reasons -- which have nothing to do with laughter.

I have heard: In a small office, the boss was telling some old stale anecdote, which he had told many times. And everybody was laughing -- one has to laugh! They were all bored by it, but the boss is the boss, and when the boss tells a joke you have to laugh -- it is part of duty. Just one woman typist was not laughing, was sitting straight, serious. The boss said, "What is the matter with you? Why are you not laughing?"

She said, "I am leaving this month" -- then there is no point!

It happened: Mulla Nasrudin listened very attentively while a stranger told a long story in the coffee-house. But the man spoke so indistinctly and muffed his punchline so badly that the story was not funny at all, and except for the Mulla no one laughed. But the Mulla laughed heartily.

"Why did you laugh, Nasrudin?" I asked him afterwards when the stranger had left.
"I always do," replied Nasrudin. "If you don't laugh, there is always the danger of their telling it over again."

Osho Jokes, Osho Jokes Book

2008-09-26T00:23:00.001-07:00

Osho Jokes Series

"Daddy, what is polygamy?"
"Polygamy is a situation in which a man can have more than one wife."
"Okay. So what do you call a situation in which a man can have only one wife?"
"Monotony, my son, monotony."
Mulla Nasrudin used to serve as a constable. He caught hold of a woman who was driving a car. Of course, a woman and a car driver never go together, so she was going wrong. Mulla took his notebook and started writing. The woman said, 'Wait! I know the chief minister, so don't be worried.' But Mulla continued writing; he didn't pay any attention. The woman said, 'Do you know, I even know the governor!' But the Mulla continued writing.
The woman said, 'Listen, what are you doing? I even know Indira Gandhi!'
Mulla said, 'Listen lady, do you know Mulla Nasrudin?'
She said, 'No, never heard of him.'
He said, 'My name is Mulla Nasrudin, and unless you know Mulla Nasrudin, nothing doing.'
Pat's son became an actor, and one evening rushed home to his father in a state of great excitement, "Guess what Dad," he announced, "I have just been given my first part. I play a man who has been married for twenty-five years."
"Keep it up my son," said Pat, "someday you may get a speaking part, too."
Little Ernie took his paper up to the teacher for marking and as she bent over the desk, he looked down the front of her blouse and said, "Teacher, I see something."
The teacher was extremely embarrassed and said, "Ernie, that is very rude. Tomorrow, don't come to school." The next week Ernie was sitting in the front row when the teacher was writing on the blackboard. She dropped her chalk and, with her back to Ernie, bent down to pick it up.
Ernie got up and without a word headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" asked the teacher sternly.
"Teacher," said Ernie, "my school days are over."
Paddy and Sean are eating their lunch on the construction site. Suddenly Paddy says, "Yuck! I just ate a worm in this apple."
"Well," says Sean, "drink some water and wash him down."
"To hell with him," replies Paddy, throwing away the applecore. "Let him wash himself."
Paddy gets a little high at the party and starts to make a play for the luscious babe playing the piano. But in his drunken fog he trips, and the piano cover closes on his fingers.
His wife, Maureen, goes over and picks him off the floor. "Remind me to put a piece of ice on your black eye when we get home," she says soothingly.
"But I haven't got a black eye," says Paddy.
"I know," replies Maureen, "but you're not home yet."
Paddy climbs up a flagpole and begins shouting obscenities at the top of his voice. Soon the cops come along, arrest him, and charge him with disturbing the peace. He is sent to the psychiatric hospital for an examination. "How do you explain your behavior?" asks the doctor.
"It is like this, Doc," replies Paddy, "if I did not do something crazy once in a while, I would go nuts."
One day, Paddy, who worked in the local brewery, fell into a gigantic barrel of beer and drowned. When his wife was informed of the accident she asked if she could see the scene of the tragedy.
At the brewery the foreman explained to her, "He was climbing this ladder when he slipped and fell into the beer and drowned."
"How terrible!" exclaimed Maureen. "It must have been an agonizing death."
"I would not say exactly agonizing," replied the foreman. "He managed to get out twice to go to the bathroom!"
One old man married a young girl. He was ninety and the girl was only nineteen. His sons -- one was seventy, another was sixty -- all told him, "This is not the time for you to marry. Don't make us all ashamed. Everybody will laugh."
He said, "It is not your business. I have fallen in love, I am going to marry." And he married, and the doctor who used to look after the old man said to him, "Your getting married... It is very dangerous at your age. It would be better to have a boarder in your house." He meant him to keep some young man in the house who would take care of his wife, but that was understood.
After nine months the doctor saw the old man in the market, and he said, "How are things going?"
He said, "Great! My wife is pregnant."
The doctor said, "And what about the boarder?"
He said, "She is also pregnant."
Now this is life!

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Jokes, Osho Jokes

2008-09-25T23:02:00.001-07:00

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Jokes

Salesgirl to shopper: "Yes, madam, these bras come in four sizes: small, medium, large and wow!"
The light in the whorehouse was out so Mimi came into the room and did not even look at the body of the man whom she was in bed with. After rolling around on the bed for a while, she stopped, looked at the guy and said, "What is this, man, don't you have one?"
"Oh yes, I do!" answered the guy. "What I am missing is my left leg!"
Two Italian woodcutters were working in the forest. Suddenly one of them missed the tree with his axe and cut off his companion's right leg in one blow. In between screams and yells the other woodcutter angrily shouts, "If you do that again, I'm-a gonna kick-a the shit-a out of you!"
A Frenchman who recently arrived in New York was invited to a golden wedding anniversary. He didn't understand the celebration and asked his American friend about it. "Do you see those two old people?" asked his friend. "Well, they have been living together for fifty years and now they are celebrating their golden wedding."
"Ah, ah!" exclaimed the Frenchman. "He live with the lady fifty years, and now he marry her. How noble!"
It was morning, and she was still in her robe. Pausing in the half-open entrance door of her home, she called to the milkman who had just then pulled up to the curb.
"Pardon me, but do you have the time?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, "but not the inclination."
The Polish Police Department send their officers for an examination before giving them promotion. Kazowinsky came back from the examination with his extra stripe and was warmly congratulated by his commanding officer.
"Good work! Tell us all about it!" said the inspector.
"Well," replied Kazowinsky, "we were all close until the final question of the mathematics paper. They asked us to add two and two -- I said five!" he announced proudly.
"But Kazowinsky, two and two are four, not five!" said the inspector.
"I know that now," he grinned, "but I was the closest!"
An Italian frog was traveling to America. On his way he passed a beautiful swamp where he met a big fat American frog. He said, "How-a are you doing-a?"
"Great!" replied the frog. "In swamp, out swamp, lots of food. Far out!"
The Italian leaped on and met another big American frog. "How-a are you doing-a?" he asked.
"Groovy, man, just great!" came the reply. "In swamp, out swamp, lots of food -- great!"
The Italian began to feel very happy about his new land. He leaped on and met a tiny, skinny little girl frog.
"What's-a wrong-a here?" he asked. "I have-a met-a two big-a fat-a frogs who said, `In-a swamp-a, out-a swamp-a, lots-a of food-a!' But what-a has happened to you?"
The tiny frog whispered in answer, "I am Swamp!"

Beloved Osho and Osho Polacks Jokes

2008-09-25T22:52:00.001-07:00

Beloved Osho Do you want to attract or prevent Polacks with your Jokes?

Osho - Deva Yachana, I never thought that you were also a Polack! There are many Polacks here -- through my jokes I have discovered them; otherwise they hide themselves so perfectly! It is my way of discovering who are the Polacks among my sannyasins.

In Poland all are not Polacks, and outside Poland all are not non-Polacks either. So don't be worried -- I am not saying anything against Polacks as such. They are beautiful people, innocent people; they are simple people. And sometimes simple people are also simpletons, but I love them. Those who can understand me will be attracted, and those who cannot understand me, whether I tell the jokes or not will not make any difference to them.

A Polack traveling on a train goes to the toilet for a piss. As soon as he opens the door to the toilet he sees himself in the mirror opposite and thinks that he is someone else. He apologizes for the intrusion and closes the door. Ten minutes later he returns. "Oh, sorry!" he says, closing the door. He comes back a third time and the same thing happens. He can't hold on any longer. With his hands thrust tightly in his pockets, he goes to the conductor to complain.

The conductor, another Polack, is outraged and goes to the toilet with the passenger to see what the problem is. He opens the door and shuts it again immediately, saying, "Oh, the conductor is in there. Use another toilet!"

Prisoner Pozinski, serving a twenty-year sentence in a Michigan jail, was reminiscing with a fellow inmate about his wife. "We used to have such fun at the seaside burying each other in the soft white sand!"

"Must have been nice!" said his cell mate.

"Yeah!" said the Polack. "When I get out I think I'll go back and dig her up!"

How many Polacks are needed for an electrical repair job?

Seven: one to be the negative pole, one to be the positive pole, and five to keep them apart!

Do you know why we have a Polish pope?

During the conference of cardinals, when they were trying to choose a successor to John Paul the First, the conference was deadlocked at three candidates.

Then one of the Italian cardinals who had been to America suggested, "Look, in the United States when they have elections, they always have a poll!" And that decided the matter.

Finkelbaum and Protski worked as chefs in a fine hotel.

In time they quit and Finkelbaum opened up a Jewish restaurant. Protski opened up an eatery directly across the street.

Within six months Finkelbaum's was thriving, and Protski's was practically out of business. He decided to ask his old friend for advice.

"It's easy," said Finkelbaum. "You gotta excite the customers. One day I have my waitresses go topless, the next day I have them go bottomless."

Protski, exhilarated by the idea, rushed back to his restaurant and called his waitresses together.

"From now on," announced the Polack, "one day you are all gonna go topless, the next day bottomless. So, tomorrow no baboushkas! The next day, no boots!"

A Polack went to the dentist. The diagnosis was grim. "All the teeth need to be removed, my friend," said the dentist.

"My God!" said the Polack.

"But no need to worry, it won't hurt a bit. We'll fix you up with an immediate denture -- it will be fitted straight into the sockets, it will look great, and it won't hurt at all."

"My God!" said the Polack.

"If you have any doubts you can phone Goldstein, the town's famous Jew. He had the same thing six months ago," the dentist told the worried Polack.

"My God! My God!" said the Polack. "I'll phone Goldstein -- I know him -- and let you know."

He phoned Mr. Goldstein and asked if there had been any pain with his new teeth.

Goldstein replied, "Pain! In the last six months I've taken up rowing on Sundays with my grandchildren. Last Sunday, in the middle of the lake I lost one oar. As I reached over to get the oar, it floated away. The boat rocked, and I caught my balls in the rowlock -- that was the first time in six months I have forgotten the pain of my new teeth!"

Enough for today.

Osho Why you are always Joking

2008-09-25T22:49:00.001-07:00

Beoloved Osho, Why are you not serious? Why are you always Joking?

Osho - Gunga Prasad, God is not serious -- what can I do? God is always joking. Look at your own life -- it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will find jokes and jokes and jokes.

Seriousness is illness; seriousness has nothing spiritual about it. Spirituality is laughter, spirituality is joy, spirituality is fun.

Two hunters were in a forest looking for game, when they came across a huge black bear. The first hunter took aim, but missed. The second hunter took careful aim as the bear drew closer to them, but his gun jammed. The two hunters fled in terror with the bear in hot pursuit. They came to a small cabin at the edge of the forest, ran inside and bolted the door just before the bear reached them.

The enormous bear circled the cabin, found an open window and climbed in after them. Loud crashing and terror-stricken screams ensued, then silence.... Finally, after three days, the door burst open and the first hunter staggered out, walked ten paces then fell face first onto the ground. Not long after, the second hunter staggered out, walked about twenty paces then fell to the ground. Hours later the bear appeared, staggered up the track about half a mile, then collapsed.

Shortly after, a beautiful young lady appeared at the door of the cabin. She walked up to the first hunter and said, "Him, he owes me ten dollars!" Walking up to the second hunter, she said, "Him, he owes me twenty dollars." Then she looked up and began scanning the horizon. "Now, I wonder what happened to that big guy in the fur coat? He had another free one comin'!"

Enough for today.

Related Articles:

Osho Rajnish jokes

2008-09-25T22:45:00.001-07:00

Osho Rajnish jokes

This marine is sent to a distant island outpost where there are no women, but there is a large monkey population. He is shocked to see that without exception his fellow marines all make love with the monkeys. And he swears to them that he will never get that horny. They tell him not to be closed-minded. But as the months passed by, the marine can hold out no longer. He grabs the first monkey he can and gets caught in the act by his buddies, who start laughing their heads off.
Surprised, he says to them, 'What are you guys laughing at? You keep telling me to do it!'
They answer, 'Yeah, but did you have to pick the ugliest one?'
A man visiting a whorehouse was astonished at the quality of the girl he was assigned. He said, "You look so beautiful and have such fine manners. You actually look like you come from a very fine, wealthy family."
"Actually, I do!" she said, "My family is Catholic and they are aristocrats."
He then noted how intelligent she was and she told him she had graduated cum laude from Vassar. He noted then that she must have traveled worldwide because of her cultured ways. And she said that indeed she had traveled the world many times.
Thereupon he said, "Well how in the world did you ever come to work in a place like this?"
She replied, "Just lucky, I guess!"
There was once a young man whose mind was filled with many burning questions about life. He learned of a wise old Catholic sage who lived on a high mountain, and decided to undertake the arduous journey. After many months of caravans, hiking and climbing, he came upon the hermit sitting outside a small cave as still and peaceful as any statue.
The seeker knelt in front of him, bowed his head respectfully, and humbly asked, "Why am I here?"
"Why indeed!" grumbled the old man. "I told them to send up a girl!"
The wealthy woman woke up, looked around her bedroom, then rang for her Chinese houseboy, Fu Ling. She asked him how she got home the night before, and he said, "I bring missy home."
Then she asked him how she got undressed. Fu Ling said, "I undress missy."
She asked then how she got into bed, and he said, "I put missy to bed."
Whereupon she said, "God, I must have been tight!"
Fu Ling replied, "First time, yes, missy! Second time...no!"
A businessman was about to enter a hotel bar after a heavy day at the office when he was stopped by a nun who delivered him a lecture on the evils of alcohol, assuring him that drink was the most certain path to hell.
"Sister," he interrupted at last, "I am a most temperate man and only have one drink every few days to relax me. One drink never hurt anyone. Even Jesus had the odd glass of wine! Besides, how can you condemn something you have never experienced? You should try just one drink yourself, just so you know what you are talking about!"

The nun protested indignantly at this suggestion, but in the ensuing discussion found it more and more difficult to rebuke the logic of the executive. "Okay," she said in the end, "you have convinced me. I will try a small drink of whiskey -- may God forgive me! But you better bring it out to me in a teacup in case anyone sees me."
The businessman agreed happily and entered the hotel. "A pint of beer, please," he called to the barman, "and one Scotch, in a teacup, if you don't mind."
The barman looked up with a frown. "Don't tell me that bloody nun is still out there!"

Osho Rajneesh Jokes

2008-09-25T22:42:00.001-07:00

Osho Jokes

The outraged husband discovered his wife in bed with another man. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. "Who is this fellow?"
"That seems like a fair question," said the wife, rolling over. "What is your name?"
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to Israel for their holidays and visited a nightclub in Tel Aviv. A comedian was on the bill who did his whole act in Hebrew. Nasrudin's wife sat through the comic's act in silence, but Nasrudin roared with laughter at the end of each joke. "I did not know you understood Hebrew," she said to the Mulla when the comedian had concluded his act.
"I don't," replied Nasrudin.
"Well, how come you laughed so much at his jokes?"
"Oh," said Nasrudin, "I trusted him."
Makowski, the agent, called his friend Lyssky, the producer of striptease shows. "Lyssky," he shouted, "I've got a girl for you that is gonna make a fortune for both of us. She is incredible -- gotta a pair of lungs that will knock your eyes out! Listen to these statistics: hips -- forty; waist -- twenty-seven; chest -- ninety-nine!"
"Incredible!" said Lyssky. "What kind of act does she do?"
"Act? What act?! She just crawls out and tries to stand up!"
The newlyweds arrived at their honeymoon hotel. The excited groom, quite pleased with his reputation as a lover, and eager to thrill his bride with his expertise, quickly threw her upon the bed and performed with the skill of a champion sexual athlete. When it was over he whispered to his bride, "Ah yes, my dear, I could tell how pleased you were -- I noticed your toes curling up in ecstasy. I promise you I will always bring you such joy!"
She whispered in reply, "Perhaps next time, Romeo, you could remove my pantyhose first!"
In a school in Poland the teacher asks, "Has any of you ever saved somebody's life?"
A little boy raises his arm, "Yes, my little nephew's."
"How did it happen? Tell us!" asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"
The unmarried Polack cleaning woman had a baby. When asked by a social worker about the father of the child, she replied curtly, "Dunno! You think I turn around every time I clean the stairs?"
The phone is ringing in the doctor's office. He picks it up and hears the desperate voice of a Polack woman: "Hello, Doc! Did I leave my underpants in your room after the medical examination?"
"No," replies the doctor, "they are not here."
Half an hour later she calls again. "Hello, Doc, it's me again. Don't worry anymore, I found them -- they were at the dentist's!"

Osho on Mulla Nasruddin - Sufi Mystic Mulla Nasruddin

2008-09-12T10:44:00.002-07:00

Osho on Mulla Nasruddin - Sufi Mystic Mulla Nasruddin

Osho : Mulla Nasruddin! He is not a fictitious figure, he was a Sufi and his grave still exists. But he was such a man that he could not resist even to joke from his grave. He made a will that his gravestone will be nothing but a door, locked, and the keys thrown away into the ocean. Now this is strange! People go to see his grave: they can go round and round the door because there are no walls, there is just a door standing there, no walls at all!—and the door is locked. The man Mulla Nasruddin must be laughing in his grave.

I have loved no one as I have loved Nasruddin. He is one of the men who has brought religion and laughter together; otherwise they have always stood back to back. Nasruddin forced them to drop their old enmity and become friends, and when religion and laughter meet, when meditation laughs, and when laughter meditates, the miracle happens…the miracle of all miracles.

People behave differently, because they have been conditioned differently. I have been searching for a joke that is purely Indian, but I have not been able to find one, all jokes are imported. It is good that there is no taxation on imported jokes; otherwise, in India there would be no jokes at all.

The Indians have been too serious about things, about God, about the ultimate. You cannot conceive of Gautam Buddha laughing, or Shankaracharya laughing, or Mahavira laughing—that is impossible. I have always wondered about it….

So if you know life, you know that life is not serious at all. Religious people have made it serious because they are anti-life. But to me, that is not religion at all. That is just a metaphysics for suicide. To me, religion means a very non-serious attitude: very childlike, very innocent….

If I tell a joke, I create tension in you, expectation. curiosity. What is going to happen? How will it turn out? You become tense with expectation. You become serious, your mind begins to work. How is the joke going to end? if it ends just as you expected it to, you will not laugh because then there is no release. But if the end turns out to be completely unimagined, if it is a complete turnabout; if you never expected that this could be the end, then the tension that has been brought to a climax is released. You laugh. But the laughter is not innocent because it is just a release of tension. Every joke has to create a tension in you. Then, when you laugh, you feel released.

Innocent laughter is something very different. It is not a release mechanism, it is a way of living.

It is just a way of living! Take laughing as a way of living. Exist as laughter You will be absolutely nonserious. It may be that you will not be able to achieve anything, but what is the meaning of achievement? Even one who achieves—what does he achieve? Even when achieving, nothing is achieved…. This I call a religious mind: nonserious, playful, innocent—without any struggle.

Related Articles:

Osho Jokes on Repressed Sexuality - Osho Jokes

2008-08-27T09:24:00.001-07:00

Osho Jokes on Repressed Sexuality : Osho has highlighted Sexual repession of Humanity through Jokes and at the same time devised Meditations so that Humanity can raise its consciousness.

here are selected Osho jokes on repressed Sexuality

1) "Hey man," says Swami Haridas to his friend, Stonehead Niskriya, "how come you got home so early from your date with Papaya Pineapple last night?"
"Well," explains Stonehead, "after dinner we went back to her apartment. We sat on her bed listening to music, talked for a while, and drank some herb tea. Then she slowly undressed, pulled back the bed covers, lay down, reached over me, and turned out the light."
"So?" asks Haridas. "What happened?"
"Well, I can take a hint," replies Stonehead. "So I went home!"

2) In a school in Poland the teacher asks, "Has any of you ever saved somebody's life?"
A little boy raises his arm, "Yes, my little nephew's."
"How did it happen? Tell us!" asks the teacher.
The little Polack says, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"

3) The unmarried Polack cleaning woman had a baby. When asked by a social worker about the father of the child, she replied curtly, "Dunno! You think I turn around every time I clean the stairs?"

4) The phone is ringing in the doctor's office. He picks it up and hears the desperate voice of a Polack woman: "Hello, Doc! Did I leave my underpants in your room after the medical examination?"
"No," replies the doctor, "they are not here."
Half an hour later she calls again. "Hello, Doc, it's me again. Don't worry anymore, I found them -- they were at the dentist's!"

5) Roxanne, a beautiful, well-built blonde, applied at a circus for the job of a lion tamer. Ralph was another candidate.
"I will give you both a chance," said the manager. "The girl can go first."
Roxanne, wearing a full-length mink coat, entered the cage. A huge lion was let in with her and immediately the animal started to charge.
Suddenly, Roxanne opened her fur coat and stood there, completely naked. The lion stopped dead in his tracks and began licking her feet, then her hands, then he went meekly back to the corner.
The manager was amazed. He turned towards the young man. "Well, pal, do you think you can top that?"
"I sure can," said Ralph. "You just get that stupid lion out of there and I will show you."

6) Karpuik was rushed to the emergency room of the city hospital. The doctor on duty was amazed to discover that Karpuik had scalded his scrotum. "How did it happen?" he asked. "I was making tea," replied the Polack, "and the directions said, 'Soak bag in hot water.'"

7) Pilzudski took his wife to the doctor and complained that he could not have intercourse with her because she was too tight.
"Alright," said the doctor, "let's test it!"
The sawbones put the wife on the table, applied some vaseline to his instrument and entered Pilzudski's wife easily.
"Hey," said the Polack, as he watched the doctor pumping away, "if it not be for the medicine I think you be screwing my wife!"

More Osho Jokes

Related Articles:

Osho - What is Secret of Joke

2008-08-27T09:18:00.003-07:00

Osho Jokes

Question: Beloved Osho, What is the secret of a Joke?

Osho: The sudden unexpected turn, that is the secret of a joke -- the revelation. You are expecting something and it doesn't happen; what happens is so totally absurd and yet has a logic of its own... it is ridiculous and yet not illogical. That's what suddenly becomes a laughter in you. You see the ridiculousness of it, and also the logic of it. It is unexpected -- if it is expected, then it doesn't bring laughter to you. If you know the joke then it doesn't bring laughter to you, because now you know, everything is expected.

Two insects were living in a cemetery. One said to the other: "Want to make love in dead Ernest tonight?"
Now, poor dead Ernest...!

An Englishman on his first trip to America went to one of those stand-up comic nightclubs for the first time. After he had had a couple of drinks, the lights dimmed and Henny Youngman stepped into the spotlight and greeted the crowd with his famous trademark gag: "Take my wife... please."
The crowd belly-laughed. The Englishman was impressed. "By Jove," he said to himself, "I must remember that and try it on the chaps back home."
Now, when somebody says, "Take my wife," you are expecting he will say, "for example." "Take my wife, for example." But he is saying "Take my wife," and then the silence, the little pause..."please." That is unexpected.
Some weeks later, back in London, he stepped to the microphone at a meeting of his club and, with great confidence, snapped out: "Consider my wife. Please."

Now the whole thing is lost. Just a single word makes it a beauty.
The secret of the joke is that it brings you to a point where you are expecting, expecting, expecting that this is going to happen; then it never happens. And what happens is so sudden... and because you were expecting something you were coming to a tension, and then suddenly something else happens, and the tension has come to such a climax that it explodes. You are all laughter. It is a tremendous release, it is great meditation.

If you can laugh totally, it will give you a moment of no-time, no-mind. Mind lives logically with expectations, laughter is something that comes from the beyond. Mind is always guessing what is going to happen, groping. And something happens which is absolutely contrary to its expectations: it simply stops for a moment. And that is the moment when the mind stops, when laughter comes from your belly, a belly laugh. Your whole body goes into a spasm, it is orgasmic. A good laugh is tremendously meditative.

An English gentleman went to his surgeon saying, "Old chap, I have this damned desire to be an Irishman. Can you perform some operation to make me one?"
"Well," replied the surgeon, "it is a fairly risky business, you know. We have to remove ninety percent of your brain."
"Do it," replied the Englishman.
When he awoke from the operation he found his bed surrounded by long-faced doctors. His surgeon stepped forward, saying, "Terribly sorry, old chap, but during the operation the old scalpel slipped and we accidentally removed one hundred percent of your brain!"
"Ah, na fuckin' worries mate!"

for Osho Jokes

Related Articles:

Osho Jokes - Osho Mulla Nasrudin Jokes

2008-08-27T09:07:00.001-07:00

Osho has told many Jokes. Mulla Nasrudin was one of Osho favouriate for telling the jokes and Osho has told many jokes on Sufi Master Mulla Nasrudin. Osho has clearly mentioned in his discourses that Mulla Nasrudin was a Enlightened Sufi Master who used to give insights through Jokes.

here are some selected Osho jokes on Mulla Nasrudin

1) Mulla Nasrudin was testifying in Court. He noticed that everything he was being taken down by the court reporter. As he went along, he began talking faster and still faster. Finally, the reporter was frantic to keep up with him.

2) ”What’s the idea,” asked the boss of his new employee, Mulla Nasrudin, ”of telling me you had five years’ experience, when now I find you never had a job before?”
”Well,” said Nasrudin, ”didn’t you advertise for a man with imagination?”

3) Mulla Nasrudin’s servant rushed into the room and cried, ”Hurry your husband is lying unconscious in the hall beside a large round box with a piece of paper clutched in his hand.”
”How Exciting,” said Mulla Nasrudin’s wife, ”My Fur Coat Has Come.”

4) Mulla Nasrudin had just asked his newest girlfriend to marry him. But she seemed undecided.
”If I should say no to you” she said, ”would you commit suicide?”
”That,” said Nasrudin gallantly, ”has been my usual procedure.”

5) Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, ”Here’s a nice one – ”to the only girl i ever loved.”
”wonderful,” said Nasrudin. ”i will take six.”

6) ”And are mine the only lips, Mulla, you have kissed?” asked she.
”Yes,” said Nasrudin, ”and they are the sweetest of all.”

7) ”What made you quarrel with Mulla Nasrudin?”
”Well, he proposed to me again last night.”
”Where was the harm in it?”
”My dear, i had accepted him the night before.”

for more Osho jokes on Mulla Nasrudin

Related Articles:

Osho - why u tell Jokes

2008-08-27T07:50:00.001-07:00

Osho Jokes

Question: Why do you tell jokes? And why don't you laugh at your own jokes?

Osho: First, Religion is a complicated joke. If you don't laugh at all you have missed the point; if you only laugh you have missed the point again. It is a very complicated joke. And the whole of life is a great cosmic joke. It is not a serious phenomenon -- take it seriously and you will go on missing it. It is understood only through laughter.

Have you not observed that man is the only animal who laughs? Aristotle says man is the rational animal. That may not be true -- because ants are very rational and bees are very rational. In fact, compared to ants, man looks almost irrational. And a computer is very rational -- compared to a computer, man is very irrational.

My definition of man is that man is the laughing animal. No computer laughs, no ant laughs, no bee laughs. If you come across a dog laughing you will be so scared! Or a buffalo suddenly laughs: you may have a heart attack. It is only man who can laugh, it is the highest peak of growth.

And it is through laughter that you will reach to God -- because it is only through the highest that is in you that you can reach the ultimate. Laughter has to become the bridge. Laugh your way to God. I don't say pray your way to God, I say laugh your way to God. If you can laugh you will be able to love. If you can laugh you will be able to relax. Laughter relaxes like nothing else.

So all jokes to me are prayers -- that's why I tell them.

And you ask: WHY DON'T YOU LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES?
Because I have heard them before.

Source: from book "The Revolution" by Osho

for more Osho Jokes

Related Articles: