Monday, June 28, 2010

Osho Little Ernie Jokes

Osho Little Ernie Jokes

Osho - The third-grade teacher calls on Little Ernie and says, "Can you use the word `beautiful' twice in the same sentence?"

"Oh, sure," replies Ernie. "Um... Yesterday, my sister came home, told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, fucking beautiful!"

Osho - Miss Goodbody's class goes for a picnic in the woods. After all the kids have drunk lots of lemonade, several of the girls retire to the bushes to pee and there is trouble with the brambles and the nettles. Little Ernie walks in amongst them, pulls out his pecker and pees without any trouble.

"Wow!" says little Sally, really impressed, "that's a handy thing to bring on a picnic!"

Osho - Outside the classroom it is snowing hard. "Boys and girls," says Mrs. Goodbody, "you must be very careful not to catch colds in this weather. I had a dear little brother, only seven years old. One day, he went out in the snow with his new skis. He caught a cold, pneumonia set in, and three days later he was dead."
A hush falls over the classroom and then little Ernie jumps up to his feet and asks, "Can I have his skis?"

Osho - Little Ernie comes home early from school.

"What are you doing home?" asks his mother.

"I put a stick of dynamite under the teacher's desk," replies little Ernie.
"You march right back to school" says his mother, "and apologize!"

"Mom," says Ernie, "What school?"

Osho - Little Ernie is taken to the dentist's office for a checkup.
"It is okay, Doc," says Ernie. "You can take off the mask, I have already recognized you."

Friday, June 12, 2009

Osho - Mulla Nasruddin walked into office of a cemetery

Osho - It happened: Mulla Nasruddin walked into the office of a cemetery and complained to the manager: "I know well that my wife is buried here in your cemetery but I can't find her grave." The manager checked in his register and asked, "What is her name?"
So Mulla said, "Mistress Mulla Nasruddin."

He looked again and he said, "There is no Mistress Mulla Nasruddin, but there is a Mulla Nasruddin." So he said, "We are sorry, it seems something has gone wrong in the register." Nasruddin said, "Nothing is wrong. Where is the grave of Mulla Nasruddin? -- because everything is in my name." Even the grave of his wife!

Possession... everybody goes on trying to possess: the beloved, the lover. This is no longer love. In fact when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy, you kill; you are a murderer. Love should give freedom; love IS freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free, love will give wings, and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. But that love you don't know because that happens only when you are aware; that quality of love comes only when there is awareness. You know a love which is a sin, because it comes out of sleep.

Source - Osho Book "The Hidden Harmony"

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Osho jokes - Mulla Nasruddin has applied for a job

Osho - Mulla Nasruddin has applied for a job. The manager looked at him and did not feel that he's even qualified to apply for it. He asked him, "Can you read and write?"
Mulla Nasruddin said, "I cannot read, but I can write."
The manager was surprised; this is a rare situation -- he could have never conceived of a man who cannot read but can write. He said, "Then write!" He gave him a paper and Mulla immediately started writing on it. He went fast -- one page, two pages, three pages.
The manager said, "Now you stop! You please read what you have written, because I cannot read."
Nasruddin said, "That I have told you before -- I can only write! I can't read."