Osho Rajnish jokes

Osho Rajnish jokes

1. This marine is sent to a distant island outpost where there are no women, but there is a large monkey population. He is shocked to see that without exception his fellow marines all make love with the monkeys. And he swears to them that he will never get that horny. They tell him not to be closed-minded. But as the months passed by, the marine can hold out no longer. He grabs the first monkey he can and gets caught in the act by his buddies, who start laughing their heads off.
   Surprised, he says to them, 'What are you guys laughing at? You keep telling me to do it!'
   They answer, 'Yeah, but did you have to pick the ugliest one?'
   
   
2. A man visiting a whorehouse was astonished at the quality of the girl he was assigned. He said, "You look so beautiful and have such fine manners. You actually look like you come from a very fine, wealthy family."
   "Actually, I do!" she said, "My family is Catholic and they are aristocrats."
   He then noted how intelligent she was and she told him she had graduated cum laude from Vassar. He noted then that she must have traveled worldwide because of her cultured ways. And she said that indeed she had traveled the world many times.
   Thereupon he said, "Well how in the world did you ever come to work in a place like this?"
   She replied, "Just lucky, I guess!"
   
   
3. There was once a young man whose mind was filled with many burning questions about life. He learned of a wise old Catholic sage who lived on a high mountain, and decided to undertake the arduous journey. After many months of caravans, hiking and climbing, he came upon the hermit sitting outside a small cave as still and peaceful as any statue.
   The seeker knelt in front of him, bowed his head respectfully, and humbly asked, "Why am I here?"
   "Why indeed!" grumbled the old man. "I told them to send up a girl!"
   
   
4. The wealthy woman woke up, looked around her bedroom, then rang for her Chinese houseboy, Fu Ling. She asked him how she got home the night before, and he said, "I bring missy home."
   Then she asked him how she got undressed. Fu Ling said, "I undress missy."
   She asked then how she got into bed, and he said, "I put missy to bed."
   Whereupon she said, "God, I must have been tight!"
   Fu Ling replied, "First time, yes, missy! Second time...no!"
   
   
5. A businessman was about to enter a hotel bar after a heavy day at the office when he was stopped by a nun who delivered him a lecture on the evils of alcohol, assuring him that drink was the most certain path to hell.
   "Sister," he interrupted at last, "I am a most temperate man and only have one drink every few days to relax me. One drink never hurt anyone. Even Jesus had the odd glass of wine! Besides, how can you condemn something you have never experienced? You should try just one drink yourself, just so you know what you are talking about!"
   
   The nun protested indignantly at this suggestion, but in the ensuing discussion found it more and more difficult to rebuke the logic of the executive. "Okay," she said in the end, "you have convinced me. I will try a small drink of whiskey -- may God forgive me! But you better bring it out to me in a teacup in case anyone sees me."
   The businessman agreed happily and entered the hotel. "A pint of beer, please," he called to the barman, "and one Scotch, in a teacup, if you don't mind."
   The barman looked up with a frown. "Don't tell me that bloody nun is still out there!"

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