Osho Jokes, Osho Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

Showing posts with label Osho Polack Jokes. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Osho Polack Joke of Making love One Last time

The Polack woman was dying. With her last breath she turned to her husband and asked,
"Before I die, make love to me just one more time."

The Polack husband answered, "How could you ask me to do such a thing? It will kill you!"

The wife pleaded, "Everyone is entitled to one last request before they die, you should grant me this last wish."

The Polack replied, "Okay." He got into bed and made love to her. No sooner did he finish
than she hopped out of bed completely cured and ran downstairs and started to flick a chicken and yell into the living room, where her children were sitting, that dinner would be ready in an hour.

The children were astounded and ran up the stairs to their father who was sitting in a chair
and crying. They said, "Papa, why are you crying? It's a miracle! Mama is completely cured!"
He replied, "I know, but when I think what I could have done for Eleanor Roosevelt!"

Osho Polack Jokes

Osho Polack Jokes

A Polack discovered that he had three balls. He was so anxious to tell it to someone that he stopped the first man he met on the road and told him, "Do you want to bet that together we have five balls?"
He lost his bet... the other guy had only one ball!

The old Polack general lived with his young wife in a lonely villa. They kept two guards in front of the house to protect them against intruders. One night the guards saw that the lights in the general's bedroom were on for a very long time. Suspicious, they snuck up to the window and peeped in. The general's wife was lying on the bed naked, looking quite bored. The Polack general, also naked, was anxiously walking around the room with a pistol in his hand. Suddenly he stopped, looked down at his groin and shouted, "Stand up like a man or I'll shoot!"

Monday, December 29, 2008

Osho Polack Joke

Osho Polack Joke

Bhavita has asked me: Osho, why do Polacks open the bedroom door while they are making love?
Osho : Bhavita, so that nobody can peep through the keyhole. This is intelligence!

Bhavita has also asked: Osho, do you know what the Polack answered who was walking home from a fair with a pig under his arm, and a guy who knew him came up to him and asked, ”Where did you get him?”
Osho : Bhavita, before the Polack could answer, the pig replied, ”I won him at the fair!”

Bhavita asks: Osho, did you hear about the Polack who tried to take his new car for its first service?
Osho : Yes, Bhavita, it wouldn’t fit through the church doors.

And Bhavita asks: Why is Polack toilet paper five hundred sheets longer than usual?
Osho : Bhavita, because the first five hundred sheets are instructions.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Beloved Osho and Osho Polacks Jokes

Beloved Osho Do you want to attract or prevent Polacks with your Jokes?

Osho - Deva Yachana, I never thought that you were also a Polack! There are many Polacks here -- through my jokes I have discovered them; otherwise they hide themselves so perfectly! It is my way of discovering who are the Polacks among my sannyasins.

In Poland all are not Polacks, and outside Poland all are not non-Polacks either. So don't be worried -- I am not saying anything against Polacks as such. They are beautiful people, innocent people; they are simple people. And sometimes simple people are also simpletons, but I love them. Those who can understand me will be attracted, and those who cannot understand me, whether I tell the jokes or not will not make any difference to them.

A Polack traveling on a train goes to the toilet for a piss. As soon as he opens the door to the toilet he sees himself in the mirror opposite and thinks that he is someone else. He apologizes for the intrusion and closes the door. Ten minutes later he returns. "Oh, sorry!" he says, closing the door. He comes back a third time and the same thing happens. He can't hold on any longer. With his hands thrust tightly in his pockets, he goes to the conductor to complain.

The conductor, another Polack, is outraged and goes to the toilet with the passenger to see what the problem is. He opens the door and shuts it again immediately, saying, "Oh, the conductor is in there. Use another toilet!"

Prisoner Pozinski, serving a twenty-year sentence in a Michigan jail, was reminiscing with a fellow inmate about his wife. "We used to have such fun at the seaside burying each other in the soft white sand!"

"Must have been nice!" said his cell mate.

"Yeah!" said the Polack. "When I get out I think I'll go back and dig her up!"

How many Polacks are needed for an electrical repair job?

Seven: one to be the negative pole, one to be the positive pole, and five to keep them apart!

Do you know why we have a Polish pope?

During the conference of cardinals, when they were trying to choose a successor to John Paul the First, the conference was deadlocked at three candidates.

Then one of the Italian cardinals who had been to America suggested, "Look, in the United States when they have elections, they always have a poll!" And that decided the matter.

Finkelbaum and Protski worked as chefs in a fine hotel.

In time they quit and Finkelbaum opened up a Jewish restaurant. Protski opened up an eatery directly across the street.

Within six months Finkelbaum's was thriving, and Protski's was practically out of business. He decided to ask his old friend for advice.

"It's easy," said Finkelbaum. "You gotta excite the customers. One day I have my waitresses go topless, the next day I have them go bottomless."

Protski, exhilarated by the idea, rushed back to his restaurant and called his waitresses together.

"From now on," announced the Polack, "one day you are all gonna go topless, the next day bottomless. So, tomorrow no baboushkas! The next day, no boots!"

A Polack went to the dentist. The diagnosis was grim. "All the teeth need to be removed, my friend," said the dentist.

"My God!" said the Polack.

"But no need to worry, it won't hurt a bit. We'll fix you up with an immediate denture -- it will be fitted straight into the sockets, it will look great, and it won't hurt at all."

"My God!" said the Polack.

"If you have any doubts you can phone Goldstein, the town's famous Jew. He had the same thing six months ago," the dentist told the worried Polack.

"My God! My God!" said the Polack. "I'll phone Goldstein -- I know him -- and let you know."

He phoned Mr. Goldstein and asked if there had been any pain with his new teeth.

Goldstein replied, "Pain! In the last six months I've taken up rowing on Sundays with my grandchildren. Last Sunday, in the middle of the lake I lost one oar. As I reached over to get the oar, it floated away. The boat rocked, and I caught my balls in the rowlock -- that was the first time in six months I have forgotten the pain of my new teeth!"

Enough for today.