Osho Jokes, Osho Jokes Book

Osho Jokes Series

1. "Daddy, what is polygamy?"
   "Polygamy is a situation in which a man can have more than one wife."
   "Okay. So what do you call a situation in which a man can have only one wife?"
   "Monotony, my son, monotony."
   
   
2. Mulla Nasrudin used to serve as a constable. He caught hold of a woman who was driving a car. Of course, a woman and a car driver never go together, so she was going wrong. Mulla took his notebook and started writing. The woman said, 'Wait! I know the chief minister, so don't be worried.' But Mulla continued writing; he didn't pay any attention. The woman said, 'Do you know, I even know the governor!' But the Mulla continued writing.
   The woman said, 'Listen, what are you doing? I even know Indira Gandhi!'
   Mulla said, 'Listen lady, do you know Mulla Nasrudin?'
   She said, 'No, never heard of him.'
   He said, 'My name is Mulla Nasrudin, and unless you know Mulla Nasrudin, nothing doing.'
   
   
3. Pat's son became an actor, and one evening rushed home to his father in a state of great excitement, "Guess what Dad," he announced, "I have just been given my first part. I play a man who has been married for twenty-five years."
   "Keep it up my son," said Pat, "someday you may get a speaking part, too."
   
   
4. Little Ernie took his paper up to the teacher for marking and as she bent over the desk, he looked down the front of her blouse and said, "Teacher, I see something."
   The teacher was extremely embarrassed and said, "Ernie, that is very rude. Tomorrow, don't come to school." The next week Ernie was sitting in the front row when the teacher was writing on the blackboard. She dropped her chalk and, with her back to Ernie, bent down to pick it up.
   Ernie got up and without a word headed for the door.
   "Where are you going?" asked the teacher sternly.
   "Teacher," said Ernie, "my school days are over."
   
   
5. Paddy and Sean are eating their lunch on the construction site. Suddenly Paddy says, "Yuck! I just ate a worm in this apple."
   "Well," says Sean, "drink some water and wash him down."
   "To hell with him," replies Paddy, throwing away the applecore. "Let him wash himself."
   
   
6. Paddy gets a little high at the party and starts to make a play for the luscious babe playing the piano. But in his drunken fog he trips, and the piano cover closes on his fingers.

   His wife, Maureen, goes over and picks him off the floor. "Remind me to put a piece of ice on your black eye when we get home," she says soothingly.

   "But I haven't got a black eye," says Paddy.

   "I know," replies Maureen, "but you're not home yet."

   
   
7. Paddy climbs up a flagpole and begins shouting obscenities at the top of his voice. Soon the cops come along, arrest him, and charge him with disturbing the peace. He is sent to the psychiatric hospital for an examination. "How do you explain your behavior?" asks the doctor.
   "It is like this, Doc," replies Paddy, "if I did not do something crazy once in a while, I would go nuts."
   
   
8. One day, Paddy, who worked in the local brewery, fell into a gigantic barrel of beer and drowned. When his wife was informed of the accident she asked if she could see the scene of the tragedy.

   At the brewery the foreman explained to her, "He was climbing this ladder when he slipped and fell into the beer and drowned."

   "How terrible!" exclaimed Maureen. "It must have been an agonizing death."

   "I would not say exactly agonizing," replied the foreman. "He managed to get out twice to go to the bathroom!"
   
   
9. One old man married a young girl. He was ninety and the girl was only nineteen. His sons -- one was seventy, another was sixty -- all told him, "This is not the time for you to marry. Don't make us all ashamed. Everybody will laugh."

   He said, "It is not your business. I have fallen in love, I am going to marry." And he married, and the doctor who used to look after the old man said to him, "Your getting married... It is very dangerous at your age. It would be better to have a boarder in your house." He meant him to keep some young man in the house who would take care of his wife, but that was understood.

   After nine months the doctor saw the old man in the market, and he said, "How are things going?"

   He said, "Great! My wife is pregnant."

   The doctor said, "And what about the boarder?"

   He said, "She is also pregnant."

   Now this is life!

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